The Things I've Learned of a Broken Heart

I'd be lying if I didn't say I have had my heart broken a time or two. And for those of you so fortunate around me to get to witness these events, first off I must apologize and second I must thank you for still loving me after all is said and done. But through it all thank you for standing by me as I learned this is how I, Rachel Lootens, deal with a broken heart:

I usually start out by crying, a lot, and then cry some more ~ I cry in bed ~ I cry in the shower ~ I cry in my car ~ I cry at the grocery store...~ some may even say I act a little pathetic ~ I skip out on showers ~ for days on end ~ sometimes too many days on end~ I lay in bed for days ~ no one has ever accused me of laying bed for too many days though, as I feel as this one is socially acceptable ~ I get irritable ~ I pretend that I am better, putting the biggest smile on my face ~ only to have a relapse the moment I walk through the door at my house and my roommate asks if I'm OK? ~ I master the eyebrow raise, pursed lips and confident mutter of "I'm OK" when asked how I am that day ~ I tend to drink irresponsibly, in hopes that I'll forget about it for a night ~ However, this only backfires and I end feeling worse the next day ~ I attempt to completely remove them from my life ~ attempt to keep them there ~ only to have them always reappear (literally) ~ I suddenly realize everything reminds me of them ~ and then I cry again~ I watch romance movies and listen to love songs ~ and then I repeat "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor and "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake ~ I have good days ~ and I have bad days ~ I distract myself at times ~ and others I sit comfortably in my own misery ~ I wait until that one day when I wake up and the sun shines a little differently ~ there is a little more spring in my step ~ one day I catch myself laughing genuinely ~ and things do really seem okay ~ I go out with family and friends again ~ except now I'm not distracting myself anymore ~ I still have those Saturday nights where I sob while watching The NoteBook wondering if it will ever happen ~ but the feeling doesn't last ~ I wake up Sunday feeling alright again ~ happiness grows again ~ and it just takes time ~ strength ~ and a whole lot of patience.

It's life, it has it's ups and it's downs, it's lulls, struggles, high points and low points. And how grateful I am for all of that. Sure a break up every now and then may put me in the "crazy" category for a while, but the truth is I always come out on top with the goal of having a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.

I've Learned That

In a moment of self reflection the other day, I realized that while 25 was still quite a young age and I have plenty more years ahead of me to fill up with life's lessons, I was surprised at how easily 4 pages of scribble were produced when thought about some of the things I have learned in the first quarter of my life and even happier that for each lesson a wonderful memory went along with it. Be where you are; otherwise you miss your life....so

I've learned that:

• You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
• It pays to believe in miracles and tell the truth
• When you wave at people in the country they always stop what they are doing and wave back
• You can tell a lot about a man by the way he hands 3 things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangles Christmas tree lights
• You can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life
• It's a lot easier to react then to think
• I can't visit a bookstore without buying something
• When the light turns green, it's still smart to look both ways before you proceed
• When given 31 flavours of ice cream I always choose chocolate peanut butter
• Time does heal all wounds, regardless of how you feel about it now
• Motivation comes in short bursts. Act while it's hot
• Take a lot of pictures, one day you will be glad you did
• Bad things do happen to good people
• Hotel mattresses are always better on the side away from the phone
• People deserve second chances, but not 3rd
• If you never act you never know for sure
• Always avoid pulling an all-nighter; they really aren't that fun and that much caffeine isn't good for anyone
• If you have a choice between right and kind, always pick kind
• Life is sometimes going to feel like a fight, and at times you may even get knocked out, but you must get up and keep going
• Change is the only thing permanent in life
• Loving someone doesn't always mean keeping them. Sometimes it means you have to let them go
• Good quality underwear is always worth the extra cost
• Commercials for feminine products always come on when you're sitting in a room full of men
• You are never too old for slumber parties
• Peeing in the woods is always a bonding experience
• It's no fun putting on a wet swimsuit
• If you don't want to forget something - put it in your underwear drawer
• Being an adult can be fun, if you remember every now and then to act like a child
• Purposely ignoring the obvious is like walking backwards towards your enemy
• Nothing is certain. Nothing is perfect. Take the challenge

The stuff that wears on the nerves polishes the soul.

A dress up party can sometimes be the answer

I have come to the conclusion that there are 2 types of people in the world: those who like dress up parties, and those who don't. I can't begin to explain the rush that I get when the invite to a real killer dress up party comes my way. I like to think that I can be pretty fun and along with this I like to think I can plan a pretty good costume. So I say don't knock it till you try it. For me I couldn't be happier with all the good things that have come out of my years of silly dress up parties...life isn't the way its suppose to be...it's the way it is, the way we take life on makes all the difference.


I've come to believe that life is too short to blend in, don't settle for average. You're only young once, and you may as well have a good time while your at it. I plan on being able to look back on my life and say that I didn't miss out on anything.



Memories. You get to talk about "that guy" at the party for many stories to come...and no we are not talking about the cute guy, we are talking about the one that had to take it just a little too far, say something a little too inappropriate, and essentially "that guy" had to leave early. Now where else do you get that but a dress up party!



Think about all the quality time you get to spend with your best girlfriends trying to pick and plan outfits for this party. Some of my very best laughs and greatest times have been with a glue gun in hand and scissors in the other in a room full of people who I love and enjoy.

And really isn't life all about having a little fun, so why be constrained to the norm. Let go, give a little, through caution to the wind, throw your hair up and just go with it. You never know how much fun you're going to have until you try it.

My Children Will do it Differently

At some point in this lifetime I do imagine myself becoming a mother, and in a different way then I have mothered my beautiful 4-legged, furry dog Scarlett. I imagine the next go around they will include 2 legs, less fur and be able to actually talk back to me when I speak to them. Who knows when this day will come, and to be honest, this is the least of my worries right now, but in pondering all of the silly things I have done in my life, I started to think about all the things I should begin diarize in hopes that the offspring I will be responsible for raising will hopefully avoid. While I like to think that I have done a lot of really great things, had a life filled of fun and adventure, I have also done a lot of stupid things, that perhaps my children will do differently....

So, Dear Children:

• No matter how badly someone convinces you, sticking your tongue to a metal pole in the dead of winter will result in a painful dismount when you rip layers off. Now as stupid as it is to do this to your own self, it is even more ridiculous to convince one of your friends to do it. In fact, this is what some would consider a poor friendship.



• While walking carefree with scissors in your hands, never "pretend" to cut someones hair...you never know when you might just accidentally get a rather large chunk in between those scissor sheers and actually snip it all off. And while we are on the hair topic, if you ever offer to cut someones hair, always, Always, ALWAYS put the guard on. No one likes a road map in the back of their head.



• If you and your girlfriends are thinking that athletic tape can remove all those blackheads in your nose. Well, the answer is no, it doesn't quite work the same. While it does remove blackheads, it will also remove about 3 layers of skin from your face and is quite painful.



• When it comes to cars, whether they are moving, parked, or you just feel like you need that extra bit of space....it never makes sense to hit them.



• While you may be inherited with the "drama-queen" gene like me, please do not pretend to injure yourself and make all your classmates carry you around for the day. One, this story will be told for your entire life and is extremely embarrassing, and Two, we are now approaching the poor friendship zone again.



• Try your hardest to avoid untied shoe-laces when you are chasing people...breaking another persons arm is a pretty devastating feeling.
  


• Never lie your way out of a date, regardless of how badly you don't want to be on it. Chances are you will run into them later in life, and when the story doesn't seem to quite check out, you look like the loser!



• Alter-Egos: while they may seem like a good idea at the time, it will be a name (or a night) that you will have to live with forever....Rita the Duke isn't as attractive as I once thought.



• If you ever decided to dye your hair on your own, please don't do it without telling me. As my mother taught me the hard way, I will do the same as well and you will live with green hair for at least 2 weeks just to teach you a lesson. And speaking of hair, (again!) if you are told to cut your bangs because no one can see your face, this really isn't a ploy to make you look stupid, the fact is the photo that will haunt you for the rest of your life is what will make you feel stupid.



• Never fall for infomercials.....enough said



• If you have a garage, park your car in it. Don't use it as a storage space for furniture that the neighborhood bums can make their home for weeks on end. Let me tell you the furniture will never be the same and homeless people are not your ideal roommate.



• If you are prone to infection....which may just be your lot in life, if you find yourself developing infections, just go to the doctor right away. Don't try to fix it yourself, no amount of pins & needles, disinfectant and band-aids can trump antibiotics....and it usually leaves a few scars.



• Never be too embarrassed to ask for help, sometimes you do need a man to fix the dishwasher, hang head boards, change your oil and set up your electronics!
  
  Success is not final: Failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.

The things I am thankful for

With Thanksgiving coming and going this year I was blessed with the opportunity to sit in a room of 20+ people and share and listen to all the things in which the people whom I care the most about are thankful for in their lives. While this list can be entertaining with 9 wonderful nieces and nephews who spout off answers like "chocolate cake", "Auntie Rachel", "Dad" and "Lego", it is also filled with heartfelt answers of family, health, love and appreciation and of course with 4 girls in one family a few tears. I spent this week thinking about the simple things in life I was thankful for....

1. A brother who who always takes the time to listen


2. Big sisters being patient with little sisters


3. Cab drivers who know when to talk and when to be quiet


4. PVR - so I never have to worry about missing all those girly shows


5. Good friends who always make the bad days seem not so hard and the good days feel like heaven


6. A mom who worries about you night and day but would never let it on


7. Rock'n Roll music that you can induce a good air guitar/headbanging session while doing dishes in the kitchen


8. A dog that I insist on treating like my "child


9. Good novels that make me want to read them over and over again


10. Movies on rainy day


11. A day at the beach


12. A family that keeps getting bigger and bigger & better and better


13. Electric Blankets - the only thing that makes winter bearable


14. Ice cream cones


15. A dad who will check your oil, help you move anything you need, and buy you a tool set knowing that he will be the one using it when something needs fixing


16. Country Music


17. Nieces and Nephews who have the greatest imaginations


18. Dressing up and being silly


19. That perfect pair of shoes


20. A passport that is slowly but surely being filled up with stamps and memories of all the great places I have been


21. That first sleep on a new pillow


22. Warm showers


23. Lazy Sundays


24. Falling in love and falling out


25. And that is all works out in the end

Dream as if you will live forever....live as if you will die today...be thankful in between

Always best to take advice from the best

Every day is filled with the realization that we often fall short of the goals we set for ourselves, we are presented with moments where more patience would have been a virtue, and daily epiphanies that we are clearly not turning out to be what our innocent 6 year old imaginations had made us up to be. Truth be told, I say it's impossible to often live up to the expectations we set for ourselves, others have set for us and that invisible finish line that just seems to be getting farther and farther away. So I say, in order to not let life get you down too much, it's best to remember that sometimes when you run you will fall, when you drink you spill, when you cook it can burn, some days are hopscotch kind of days, and some days are getting -nailed-at-dodgeball kind of days...SO don't stress, take one day at a time, enjoy the moment live by these rules and if you don't have any regrets in life then you need to get out more!

1. Accept the fact that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue


2. Always keep your words soft and sweet just in case you have to eat them


3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of reading it


4. Drive carefully; its not just cars that can be recalled by their Maker


5. If you can't be kind at least have the decency to be vague


6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it


7. It may be that your soul purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others


8. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on


9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well, just get up and dance.


10. Never buy a car you can't push.


11. Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late


12. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.


13. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live.


14. Sometimes mistakes are just too fun to only make once.


15. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some dull. Some have weird names and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.


16. A truly happy person is someone who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

An ode to the 25th year

Now some may say that I have some what neglected this blog for far too long. And to that I reply you are absolutely correct. How could I have abandoned something so fantastic so easily. Clearly, the only explanation for such a hiatus is that I did not fully appreciate the loyaltyof my followers....that's right, I'm speaking about you. So here I am once again making this vow to get back on the train and continue to provide you with entertainment for the retarded things I do in my life, because let's be honest who isn't entertained by my lack of thinking a moment through?

I recently returned from a trip to Europe where I did many stupid things.....that will most likely come out sooner or later (hopefully some of them later...much much later). But in the 19 days I was for lack of a better word, inspired. Everything was new, breathtaking, exciting and inspiring. I had the chance to spend my 25th birthday over there and despite a few set backs on this day I contemplated about what this year would really be about. Last year was all about the year of indecision, not making any choices about anything....that annoyed a few people. Oops?! But this year I committed to making a change, I committed to living life in the moment, in the here, in the now ---that whatever may be may be, but enjoy it for what it's worth while its here.

So here is a toast to my 25th year:

Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breath. And enjoy the ride.