My Children Will do it Differently

At some point in this lifetime I do imagine myself becoming a mother, and in a different way then I have mothered my beautiful 4-legged, furry dog Scarlett. I imagine the next go around they will include 2 legs, less fur and be able to actually talk back to me when I speak to them. Who knows when this day will come, and to be honest, this is the least of my worries right now, but in pondering all of the silly things I have done in my life, I started to think about all the things I should begin diarize in hopes that the offspring I will be responsible for raising will hopefully avoid. While I like to think that I have done a lot of really great things, had a life filled of fun and adventure, I have also done a lot of stupid things, that perhaps my children will do differently....

So, Dear Children:

• No matter how badly someone convinces you, sticking your tongue to a metal pole in the dead of winter will result in a painful dismount when you rip layers off. Now as stupid as it is to do this to your own self, it is even more ridiculous to convince one of your friends to do it. In fact, this is what some would consider a poor friendship.



• While walking carefree with scissors in your hands, never "pretend" to cut someones hair...you never know when you might just accidentally get a rather large chunk in between those scissor sheers and actually snip it all off. And while we are on the hair topic, if you ever offer to cut someones hair, always, Always, ALWAYS put the guard on. No one likes a road map in the back of their head.



• If you and your girlfriends are thinking that athletic tape can remove all those blackheads in your nose. Well, the answer is no, it doesn't quite work the same. While it does remove blackheads, it will also remove about 3 layers of skin from your face and is quite painful.



• When it comes to cars, whether they are moving, parked, or you just feel like you need that extra bit of space....it never makes sense to hit them.



• While you may be inherited with the "drama-queen" gene like me, please do not pretend to injure yourself and make all your classmates carry you around for the day. One, this story will be told for your entire life and is extremely embarrassing, and Two, we are now approaching the poor friendship zone again.



• Try your hardest to avoid untied shoe-laces when you are chasing people...breaking another persons arm is a pretty devastating feeling.
  


• Never lie your way out of a date, regardless of how badly you don't want to be on it. Chances are you will run into them later in life, and when the story doesn't seem to quite check out, you look like the loser!



• Alter-Egos: while they may seem like a good idea at the time, it will be a name (or a night) that you will have to live with forever....Rita the Duke isn't as attractive as I once thought.



• If you ever decided to dye your hair on your own, please don't do it without telling me. As my mother taught me the hard way, I will do the same as well and you will live with green hair for at least 2 weeks just to teach you a lesson. And speaking of hair, (again!) if you are told to cut your bangs because no one can see your face, this really isn't a ploy to make you look stupid, the fact is the photo that will haunt you for the rest of your life is what will make you feel stupid.



• Never fall for infomercials.....enough said



• If you have a garage, park your car in it. Don't use it as a storage space for furniture that the neighborhood bums can make their home for weeks on end. Let me tell you the furniture will never be the same and homeless people are not your ideal roommate.



• If you are prone to infection....which may just be your lot in life, if you find yourself developing infections, just go to the doctor right away. Don't try to fix it yourself, no amount of pins & needles, disinfectant and band-aids can trump antibiotics....and it usually leaves a few scars.



• Never be too embarrassed to ask for help, sometimes you do need a man to fix the dishwasher, hang head boards, change your oil and set up your electronics!
  
  Success is not final: Failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.