The Things I've Learned of a Broken Heart



I'd be lying if I didn't say I have had my heart broken a time or two. And for those of you so fortunate around me to get to witness these events, first off I must apologize and second I must thank you for still loving me after all is said and done. But through it all thank you for standing by me as I learned this is how I, Rachel Lootens, deal with a broken heart:


I usually start out by crying, a lot, and then cry some more ~ I cry in bed ~ I cry in the shower ~ I cry in my car ~ I cry at the grocery store...~ some may even say I act a little pathetic ~ I skip out on showers ~ for days on end ~ sometimes too many days on end~ I lay in bed for days ~ no one has ever accused me of laying bed for too many days though, as I feel as this one is socially acceptable ~ I get irritable ~ I pretend that I am better, putting the biggest smile on my face ~ only to have a relapse the moment I walk through the door at my house and my roommate asks if I'm OK? ~ I master the eyebrow raise, pursed lips and confident mutter of "I'm OK" when asked how I am that day ~ I tend to drink irresponsibly, in hopes that I'll forget about it for a night ~ However, this only backfires and I end feeling worse the next day ~ I attempt to completely remove them from my life ~ attempt to keep them there ~ only to have them always reappear (literally) ~ I suddenly realize everything reminds me of them ~ and then I cry again~ I watch romance movies and listen to love songs ~ and then I repeat "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor and "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake ~ I have good days ~ and I have bad days ~ I distract myself at times ~ and others I sit comfortably in my own misery ~ I wait until that one day when I wake up and the sun shines a little differently ~ there is a little more spring in my step ~ one day I catch myself laughing genuinely ~ and things do really seem okay ~ I go out with family and friends again ~ except now I'm not distracting myself anymore ~ I still have those Saturday nights where I sob while watching The NoteBook wondering if it will ever happen ~ but the feeling doesn't last ~ I wake up Sunday feeling alright again ~ happiness grows again ~ and it just takes time ~ strength ~ and a whole lot of patience.


It's life, it has it's ups and it's downs, it's lulls, struggles, high points and low points. And how grateful I am for all of that. Sure a break up every now and then may put me in the "crazy" category for a while, but the truth is I always come out on top with the goal of having a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.

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